Hello Lover,

Let me prefix this by saying, this letter isn’t to teach you how to be a side chick, mistress, the other woman (or man) or in anyway condone being one.

Click bait if you will! Sorry but not sorry.But this letter is to educate you on how you could find yourself in this pickle. Now, don’t get it miscontrued! I have never been  one. Trust! But I have stared it in the face…close enough to identify its sequence.

But what really is a side chick/other woman?

Side chick – “the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship” –

The other woman – “the woman who you are having a sexual relationship with when you are married to someone else or are involved in a serious relationship with someone else” –

Who can become a side chick?

Anyone can fall “victim’ to this if you are not careful. I use the word ‘victim’ loosely, cause not all side chicks are victims. Keep reading.

Ever heard someone say “I am so deep in it, I can’t get out”?, “He loves me more than he loves her”?,”He’s going to leave her to be with me”,”I have got her/him wrapped around my finger”, “I don’t know how this happened,but I cant seem to let go now”? or perhaps the classic “I didn’t know he/she was married or in a relationship”.

Being a side chick is frowned upon but, unfortunately, it is gradually becoming a norm in our society. What am I saying? It’s been a norm, since way back when!

But ever wondered how a person becomes a side chick/dude? Especially with these excuses mentioned above? Some might say these are damn right pathetic, but for some, being in love or having strong emotions or maybe just being fond of someone, can make you…well….brain dead!

From experience- mine and friends, as well as with some research, I have identified two ways, with loads of sub-ways,paths, streets and sidewalks.

Lets start with the first way – KNOWINGLY. These are people who (consciously and fully aware) get involved with someone who is in a committed relationship, for monetary/material gain(s), for the attention  and availability of their lover, for actual love(accidental love if you will) or just for the fun of it-Sometimes doing something so bad can be oh so fun! They say. Lack of morals, a low self-esteem, nonexistent will-power, lack of a spiritual life,being carefree with life, bad friends and confidants, just plan naivety are some of the characteristics of these side chicks/dudes.

But sometimes, even good girls become side chicks. They just happened to fall in love with someone who isn’t single.

This brings me to the second way – UNKNOWINGLY. These are people who get into a ‘relationship’ or lack thereof, with someone who they believe to be single, but who actually isn’t. This is characterized by a roller-coaster of lies, you know, boy meets girl, boy lies about being single, etcetera etcetera. Ah! Lets not forget the ringless married men, the “take care of me and I will take care of you”, the “my wife and I are separated/divorced”, the “but you didn’t ask me if I was married” and of course the “my wife is late”. Horrible isn’t it!

And then, we have the accidentals/oops! Started off probably as friends (or complete strangers), in their respective relationships perhaps, but feelings develop, uncontrollable mutual emotions. These types are usually in denial – they ain’t no side chick. Or maybe a drunken night turned into a ‘stay in touch’ one night stand, if you know what I mean.

But yup! You could be in a relationship, but develop feelings for someone else. It creeps up on you. We are attention-loving creatures. It happens! But it can be controlled or stopped completely. They more attention you get from a person of interest, the deeper you go.Just like adding fuel to fire. When you stop, it eventually burns out! Same thing with attention. Think about it.

And yes! This is actually the best way out. Let it burn out!!

Lover, you might want to say ‘but some side chicks become the main chick’. Well, its possible but rare. Extremely rare! But even if that happens, even if you succeed in stealing her man, chances are the relationship will be rocky. I mean, it started rocky after all. We all know the possible woes you could face – insecurities and stigmatization being the major two.

Oh no lover! Not his insecurities….I am talking about yours. He cheated on her with you. Karma can be mean.  You know right from wrong. Its as clear as day.

Dear Lover, do you really want the title and all it entails to be… the other woman?

Yours truly


Have any thoughts on this? Please share below

You may also like


  1. I was young(maybe not) and naive, so it took me a while to get out of a toxic relationship. If only I knew what I know now. A side chick(unknowingly) who became the main chick…dummy me. Bottom line is, don’t be carried away, there are always signs, so watch out! And never make excuses for your partner(anyone). Know when to let go of a person who doesn’t make you feel genuinely happy. You always know when things don’t feel right…finally, know your worth and value!

Comment here Luv!